Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee present BAD FRIENDS. New episodes every Monday!
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I remember I was a kid. I don't know if I've ever talked about this, have I? When I was a kid, I go, how long has this been here? And my grandpa goes, 1000 a year. 1000 years of shit. So, basically, there's a hole in the ground, and you can look down, and there's it's like a well of shit. Yeah. Right? And I thought my great great great great grandfather's shit is down there. That's awesome. Yeah. Shit well. Yeah. The bottom of that layer is what his fucking mouth felt like. Smell it smelled like. Just that. We huffed it. We passed it around. I I meet a young lady. You met a young lady, which was a good high point of the after the show. Mhmm. And, Indian, which is I I have to I have to only say because Yeah. That's right. Bit. No. Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay. Alright. Alright. I guess it's like a trigger for me. It's a trigger for me. Do don't go to. Sorry. Sorry. When you go. I do the. I'm sorry. Alright. Stop. That hurt, actually. But Alright. That's enough. I won't do it anymore. Stop. That's enough. Please stop. It's comedy in threes. Yeah. Yeah. So you met this young woman. She was very nice and very I had never pretty. Hooked up with a Indian woman. I'm shocked. You've never even had, like, a make out session with an Indian girl? Never. So but you but you've hooked up with almost every other color of the rainbow. Yeah. No. Not black. You've never had a black girl. Oh, yeah. I have. Come come come ask me. Bob. 1. Full or half? Full half? 100 percent yeah. Not The kind that Robert De Niro would like. You never had India. Never? Never. I think it was the one I've had Persian. I've been with hooked up with Persian. Yeah. I've heard it with Mexico. What's up, bro? What's up, bro? I've I've had South American. Oh, what? Brazil? No. Brazil. Argentina, my friend. Or in Argentina? Yeah. That's that. Argentina. Argentina. Brajil. And so No central
Mind. Mostly because I don't get any, but it's also because Oh, you get some? Pretty rarely, but I don't I'll I think you get gifts because you ask for them often. Don't ask for gifts. That's fucking ridiculous, dude. You definitely fucking do. I deserve them. That's he. But that's different than a asking. Why do you think you deserve gifts for fans? I'm a conduit of I'm just trying to stroke? No. No. I just I'm I'm really kinda going, why do I need them? Yeah. I think it's a good I mean, oh, it's one of my love languages. Your love language is is gift receiving. Yeah. One of my love languages is gifts at receiving. Usually, it's gift Mine's touch. Yeah. And gifts receiving. Mine is And blowjobs. That's my love language.
That anymore. Should've done why? What do you mean any because I'm Jesse's girl. Yeah. Anyway. So wait a minute. What's a Hollywood curtain? Where where where Where where was this? What restaurant? Oh, I I'll show you what it's called. I forgot. It's it's an Italian restaurant called. God. You're so famous. I'm not fit. Shut the I love you. Georgi Obaldi. Yeah. Georgi Obaldi. Oh, nice. Have you been there, Sam? No. No. I'm not I'm not fancy like you did. Shut often. You're more fancy than me. You're the one that knows all the restaurants in every city that we go to. You're the one that light knows all the you have to do the playlists whenever we're in a restaurant. I got the playlists. You know all the music. You know everything. So don't tell me that you don't know. Which I had, Tessie's girl. At it. Bobby Lee steps out with an unknown female in a ring. Night in LA doesn't bother opening the door for her to his dented Audi a 5. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Yeah. We can Bobby, Bobby. Is that your attention Audi? Stop. That's awesome. Dude, I've been that's so cool to get Paparazzi like that. So here's I wanna start off the show. By saying, I wanna apologize to the people, the women that have been in miss America pageants, And then they, you know, they get asked that question when they're in their bathing suit or whatever. And what I realized is this, those pageant questions are difficult Well, let's hear. No one can so I wanna do a thing to see if we can answer if we were a miss America. Good. Here are the kids. Stories. No. What what do you mean? There's there's categories? Yeah. And Yeah. Yeah. No. But you know how they so give me so I'm miss Korea. You Yeah. Yeah. You're missing North Korea. That can be North Korea. You sure could. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. You know, so I'm I'm out there in my bathing suit. And who who's the guy who's the Mexican dude that does it? Mexican dude? Yeah. Who's the guy that that holly Mario Lopez? Oh. Is that his name? Yes. Mario Lopez.
Curry? No. I I I don't remember playing like that, but I remember it was, like, a big deal tour. It was, like, a theater tour Yeah. Yeah. Outdoor venues. Yeah. I think Alfie was on some of those. Yeah. Yeah. It was huge. It was huge. And we it was the first big tour I've ever done in terms of theaters. Amphitheaters. Outside. No. They were amphitheaters. Oh, no. They were, like, 33,000 25100. Yeah. I I don't I don't really I I remember bombing. That's all I remember. No. No. No. No. That's Not too well. He would do the talk for me, like, you know, this guy coming out. I think he's funny. You should think he's funny. He's trying to, like, strong-arm his crowd. You know? Yeah. It was like a Mexican crowd. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty Mexican. Yeah. So they loved you? I did. I was I was so green. Yeah. But you you did good. I remember Oh, man. Even when you were green, you were still a little yellow. So it's you got through it. Wow. You were laughing too. You can't you can't do the hard look ever. You laughing. Right. I laugh first. Yeah. Yeah. You laugh again. Laugh again. Oh, That's how it was gonna go down. Yeah. He's like Kanye. He doesn't wanna be caught laughing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lou and then Louie Mhmm. Does this my I'm just my history with him. Mhmm. Used to live in LA. Yes. I'm from LA. Yeah. And, we used to write together. Yes. Wait a minute. You mean Louie used to write and you were near him? Oh, he got you. You know what? I knew dude, dude, when you squint your eyes Yeah. Right, and your face gets all red. Right? I know you're about to dig. He's a he's a phenomenal writer, and I know Louie was just ripping through pages. And he was sitting there smoking, like, looking over your shoulder. Good stuff, Louie. It's sorry. It's Hey. It's so funny. It's it's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great. It's great stuff. Can I throw can I throw more stories in? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Throw it in. What what I always loved about you, Bobby, is, like, you
Her name is, I'll tell you why I'm doing it because I had I went to my AA meeting. Oh, that's her name. Kagla. Kagla Cha. And she does little tiny ones. Little tiny tattoos? They're tiny. So they barely you can barely see them. What gave you the inspiration? Because I was I was having, you know, sometimes when you fellowship after an AA meeting. You know about that, Carlos, back in the day. Right? So afterwards, my sponsor was like, hey. Come eat with us. Normally, I don't, but I did. And there was a girl that's that comes to my a meeting. She's a comic, and she, had little tiny tattoos on her body. And I went, oh, those look cool because they really did look cool. They're little That's trending right now, the little ones. Yeah. They're little ones. Somebody's got little ones on my body. What are you doing? What is the tiny tattoo call is this kind of it? Yeah. That those, like, tattoos. Up kagla cha. That's her. That's her kagla cha? Yeah. That's her shit. Celebrity tattoos. So she does very famous people? Yeah, son. Interesting. They're tiny little ones. They're like tiny ones like that. Oh, that is cool. Look at how small they are. They're small. And that's a constellation, I imagine, Of a broken home? Is that what that is? Or it's a or it's a house made out of stars? We look at things differently. I like this. The tattoo under the tit. That's a really popular thing I see. That's like a tattoo. Right? That's a big thing. Yeah. And she does a little pokey one, so it's a Poke tattoos is cool. Yeah. So they're small. They're not prevalent. So I'm just gonna get 4 of them. Right. Just in case. What do you think? I think it's a great idea. I think it's a great idea. Would you ever get a bad friend's tattoo? No. I would never get a tattoo. Why would I defile? You don't have any tattoos, CJ Andrew? You don't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. Yeah. That's true. No. I I don't have you know what it is? I talked to someone last 2 nights ago at the Comedy Store about this. Literally, I had the conversation in the green room. You sweating, bud? I'm so hot. Yeah. Just take off the sleeves then at that point. I mean, the joke is over. The joke is over. Thank you so much. I'm so hot. Just undo the sleeves, but leave the bottoms. I will. Look at that. And you're wearing a long sleeve. Yeah. That's why it's so hot. Roll up your
